Who Kicked the Moron's Ass?

Everyone who knows me understands that I freaking hate the hell out of W. Moron Bush, our former puppet-figure mentally retarded unelected mass murdering President.

Our first mentally retarded President. (Or pretend-President.)

One thing that I've always wondered about goes way back to a point very early in his first term when the USA was just getting used to pretending that the sub-normal sack of feces was our commander-in-chief. How many of you remember him showing up on camera with his face looking as if someone had beaten the crap out of him? When questions were asked (and few questions were ever asked of that pile of excrement during his tenure), it was announced that he'd "choked on a pretzel, passed out, and fallen to the floor, burning his skin on the carpet".

DAWK!

The obvious targets of one angry assailant. Cheek. Nose. Mouth. The very points I aim for when I'm punching the shit out of someone.

Now, I've heard some lame-ass lies in my life, but that pretzel yarn rates right up there with the best of them. Of course they were already pretending that he was really leading the country's government, so why not just lie every time? Eh?

But I didn't buy it. Especially not after I saw the photographs published in the European press without being doctored (as the photos were here in the USA). Someone kicked that moron's ass. And I mean they cleaned his clock. And I kept asking myself--who had access to that mental retard and was able to wail on his face like that? I mean, even if he was just a pretend-President, he still had Secret Service protection. Who could have gotten that close to him and pimp-smacked his barely cognizant ass?

I thought about it and figured that there were really only two candidates. One was his vacuous wife, our pretend-First Lady, Laura Bush. But I just can't see that stupid blot of a woman going to town on him like that. I just can't, even if she did murder her high school sweetheart. Maybe she did get sick of Bush and punched his lights out. But I just doubt it, for some reason. Mainly because she didn't run over his ass with a car.

Yeah, I know some stupid women can kick butt. I just can't see this stupid one at it.

The other probability was our pretend Vice President, the guy who was REALLY running the show, Dick-the prick-Cheney. I can definitely see this guy walking tall all over W. Moron's stupid mouth-breathing chops. We're talking about a guy who casually shot one of his best friends in the face with a shotgun. That's one mean bastard.

What I think happened was that W. Moron disobeyed a direct order to keep his mouth shut (recall how embarrassing he was every time he tried to talk??!!), and Cheney just got fed up and kicked Bush's face in. He had the access, and he truly has the temperament. Heart condition be damned, that is one mean stack of Wyoming Turds.

Mystery Solved!

"Yeah, I did it. What you gonna do about it?"