James Robert Smith
Bears
have got it
made
They sleep
all winter
and
half the summer.
They eat
berries
They get to shit
in the woods
and go fishin’
anytime they
please.
They screw for
two weeks
solid,
Then forget sex exists
the next 50
weeks.
Nobody messes
with bears.
Not even other
bears.
Not really.
Hey, bear.
I’ll trade you.
You’ll have to walk
upright.
My hands for
your paws.
We have chocolate.
Lots of
chocolate.
Whaddayasay?
My boss is a huge bear fanatic. He owns land and a house on Kodiak Island off the shore of Alaska. He knew Timothy Treadwell who was the unfortunate star of Grizzly Man. He also knows quite a few of the captains and crews of Deadliest Catch. The boss spends months up there communicating with us via web and phone.
ReplyDeleteHere's his web-site for future bear enthusiasts:
http://www.kodiakbears.com/mystory.html
I love all bears. If I had to choose an animal, my totem would be the black bear. I've had lots of encounters with black bears in my thousands of miles of backpacking. One encounter was unnerving, and another bordered on the horrific. Despite that, I still enjoy bumping into them when I go hiking.
ReplyDeleteThat said...I don't know what I'd do if faced with a brown bear. They're so much larger and so much more aggressive than black bears.
I'll check out the site. Thanks!
(My wife and I encountered the bear in the photo on a hike in West Virginia this year. He paid us almost no mind at all, and seemed concerned only with grazing beside the road. He left as soon as we got to our truck and started the engine, which scared him/her.)